through all the highs and lows

I'm done. peace out. I'd like to say I don't give up this easily, but I can't take it anymore. I don't know whether to curl up in a ball and sleep the rest of my life away or go strangle someone. Both seem like feasible options right now. Actually, I'm fairly certain I could do both right now. I hate high expectations and hopes. They mess with everything wortwhile. Seriously don't want to put up with this anymore.

So we traded our pencils and book for dance beats and hooks

I'm a little frustrated that I haven't been updating this the way I've been wanting to. So here I am I guess. Since I've last updated, I haven't done much. I have reorganized my closet, cleaned my room, subscribed to more podcasts, and done very little homework. I've been working on this English essay about the effects of chasing our dreams. It's actually pretty stimulating to me. I wish school could be more stimulating like this all the time. If I could get more projects like the music video project I would leap from bed every morning at the thought of going to school. Unfortunately, most days, that's simple not the case.
In other school news, I finally got confirmation from all of the schools I applied to that my application is complete. I was really pleased to receive an e-mail from George Washington, asking for my first semester transcript, and via fax for speed. It's nice to know that schools are actually looking at my application. I can't wait to go to college. I guess I'm weird that way, in that I really want to go to college so I can learn more. I think it's been coming to this anticipation for a couple of years now, since I started my college search and simultaneously started my independent research paper. Since then, I've been trying to keep up the work ethic, I may have flailed a little bit, but I've found that drowning out my mother's sewing machine with the latest educational policy podcasts really helps my productivity and lets me learn in a multitasking fashion.
Even with all of this though, I still can't wait for freedom. Counting down the days until spring break so I can know what the real world is like again. Well at least the real world in a music sense.

Currently listening:Runaway- Artist VS Poet

Sneaking out our windows we're on top of the city

17 days. Just 17 more days until I am free, or should be free at least. I'm counting down the seconds here. The only problem is that there are amazing things that should be happening a mere 2 days before I'm set free. I really hope that my parents will be forgiving enough for me to be released a little early. If not... well then looks like I'll just be another magnet for trouble then. They don't call me wicked child for nothing. I just don't see how I'd be able to live with myself knowing that I had missed out on life because of a trivial thing. I guess my parents think that they're going to exercise their control one more time before I'll be out from underneath their heels. Who knows when I'll get the opportunity to live like this again? I'm so dancing at the alamo regardless of what it takes to get there.

Currently listening:Face Down- Rediscover

I found a way to test a theory, parents living vicariously molding all our minds...

"I'm writing you from prison, yeah I'm writing from the streets, where I learn to get away for awhile and shoot down your selfish dreams."
So today has been interesting. I'm up at 11, still working on school. A victory for me. I also reignited a passion that has been missing from my life for awhile. Where was it first semester? I also realized how much of a trophy I am to my parents. I mean there are some things that it's okay to be happy about, and even occasionally proud, but I don't want to be another bumper sticker on the back of my mom's mini-van. They keep telling me how much they can't wait to know where I'm going to college, and I can't help but wonder if it's because they want to know how much scholarship money I'm going to get, or which name-brand college they'll get to proclaim to all of their colleagues. I'm in this for myself. Not for them. But I'm sure they'll be ecstatic when I tell them that I want to go to Stanford University for graduate school. I know they have the right intentions when we have conversations like the one from the other night where my mom told me that she would have rather me go to a school on an athletic scholarship than a merit-based one. I couldn't believe her reasonings. I'd rather be known as a nerd and go on a merit-based scholarship than have to worry about people wondering whether or not I deserve to be there. I'd rather disappoint intellectually under a nerd label, like my parents always assume I will, than walk into a room knowing that everyone assumes that I'm set up for failure. I'd rather surprise myself on a merit-scholarship than fight the uphill battle of any other kind just to appear up to par. Actually, I'd rahter just surprise myself period. But I guess we're just going to see how long I can keep this staying awake thing going for, where I get in, and if I get any scholarships to see what kind of surprises the future may hold in store.

Currently listening:Marching Bands of Manhattan- Death Cab for Cutie

I just woke up from a nearly 5 hour nap. How ridiculous is that? This morning I went to bed at about maybe one and then woke up at about 8:20. That's normally more than enough sleep for me when I'm not affected by this weird sleepiness thing. The weird thing is that all of the sleep was really intense. I mean it was sweat inducing, drooling, deep dreaming kind of sleep, and that never happens to me. So I guess I really needed it. But why did I need so much of it, and today of all days? If only I could get that kind of sleep every night for at least a few hours, I could get everything done that I need to. I'm so sick of being sleepy 24/7 that I jumped when I saw ways to boost energy levels and feel less sleepy as a news link in hotmail this morning. I would research more about it, but I'm going to go take a shower and make my bed so maybe there's still a chance I can salvage the rest of my day and finish all of the things for school. I promised myself that this semester I would do so much better. It's time to follow through.

Lately I've been tired and unispired

I don't know what it's been about these past few days that have been so weird for me that I haven't wanted to even recount them, but I made a promise to myself so I guess I'm going to squeeze it all in here now. Part of it has to be school. I mean it's just been really getting to me lately. I had the most amazing english paper idea ever, and then it just got stuck in my head. I know I really need to get a move on with my school stuff because if I don't I won't even be able to taste the sweet sensation of freedom sometime in March, which also means no SXSW which would be the most crushing event of my life, no syke. On top of the school work, the people at school have been driving me crazy. Some just won't stop talking about me, and others won't stop trying to hang around me when they really aren't wanted, plus everyone's behavior is totally erratic. I think people just think that they can get away with pretty much anything just because we're inching closer and closer to the day when no one is going to see everyone else again.
This weekend was good because it got the focus off of me and my relationship issues, for the most part. I mean I didn't get a happy valentine's day wish from anyone, but I spent my day volunteering at the food bank and finishing buying things for my dorm room. I also got a chance to reconnect with friends from church whom it seems I never get to talk to anymore. It's nice to know that people don't instantly diassociate themselves. It's nice to know I'm not just a phase.
On another positive note, I'm really excited and inspired by my english music video project. I can't wait to film it! I really love the soundtrack to. Now if only all of school could be this fun, there might be hopes for freedom.
Oh and fun fact time, I switched bed sides again, so now I wake up to the sunshine on my pillow. It's the best feeling ever.

Currently listening:Photogenic- Molitor

But everything seems perfect from far away

I wish punishment was over already. I freaking hate this. I feel trapped all the time. I also wish that all of the personal drama stuff would go away. I know who I want to date and who I want to be friends with. So why can't that decision just be left up to me and no one else? If only I wasn't always the nicest person. No more miss congeniality please.

Currentlly listening:Assurance, Closure- Artist vs Poet (Alive Once Again EP version)

The district sleeps alone tonight after the bars turn out their lights

dorm room bedding!

You are everything I want because you're everything I'm not

I'm still blown away by today, and for once, not in the good sense. I mean today was pretty cool for many reasons people whom I haven't talked to in a really long time contacted me out of the blue, I solidified my relationships with other people, and it looks like the GSA at Churchill might finally get started after all (Although I am a little disappointed we didn't get to pull in the media and the court system). Yet, there were also tons of issues with today. There were relationship distinctions with people whom I didn't want to make distinctions with. I can't stand seeing all of the relationships around me start to fall apart because someone is jealous of another person. Which also leads me to the question I can't seem to answer for myself: What is envy worthy about me? I found out today that what I thought was just personal issues with other people actually involve me. I hate drama, well, relationship drama. Political drama and legal drama, however, I live for.
Oh, and good news, the new blonde hair was a hit!

Currently listening:Speeding Cars- Imogen Heap

We could finally see what it means to be living

Today, I decided that I'm finally going to get my life back in order. I've been living like I'm just cool with the way things are, which I actually am, but I've got this feeling like things have got to change, and I've got nothing left to change but myself. Time for me to be proactive for once. Time for me to not be so tired, and tired of everything. Step One: English essay. Don't let me prove myself wrong.

Currently listening:Vindicated- Dashboard Confessional

So today was really interesting for many reasons. One, I may have found the replacement for my dream duvet that's delivery was mysteriously cancelled, and I actually may like it better than what I had originally envisioned. Two, I may have found another gift in life- caregiving. Since my dad had knee surgery, I've helped take care of him. So all day today I went running errands with my mom for things that he needs, and then when I got home I got about an hour and a half break before going to babysit for my neighbors grandkids. I felt like such a horrible babysitter, but at the end of the night right before they went to sleep, both of the kids told me individually how great of a mom they think I'm going to make one day. That was a huge shock for someone who has been pretty sure for a while that kids just aren't for her. Maybe i'll rethink that. Today was also one of those lessons in love that I never saw coming. I saw the episode of Scrubs a few days ago where Elliott's marriage is called off because she doesn't think that she loved anyone enough to wipe their eye-goobies, and since then I've been thinking about that in the back of my head. This week has been filled with pushing away those who are way too interested in me, desperately trying not to be ole reliable, thinking about fidelity and secretaries, why touring musicians make the perfect match for me (I don't need a ton of attention, one night of attention can carry me for months, I'm not totally ole reliable, etc.), and if I really would be okay being engaged. Then mix in the whole acting as a caregiver for an adult and two kids. It's weird. Everything about it. But now I know that it wouldn't kill me to have the typical life. I can have real love. I can have real kids. And supposedly, I could be good at it all.

Pictures: Top- Out for the day & bottom: babysitting Currently listening:Saysaysay- Gallerycat

This ain't the time to take it slow <3

Today was such a good day for me. I feel pretty much on top of the world, and for no real reason at all. The only thing that's harshing my mellow is that Urban Outfitters decided that they were going to run out of my green duvet after I ordered it. Bye bye dream dorm. Oh well. I've got plenty of time to discover another perfect room. I just don't want to settle. Never settle.= part two of the following your dreams post.

We're searching for the real thing, we're searching for the real you

Today was too weird. I finally got to step back and look at things at face value for once. All of those questions about the future are virtually eradicated, and just when I thought that there would be more popping up. I also got to look at my relationships with people. Why won't people stop trying to use me for their own ends? I'm so sick of being a point of reference for everyone. I mean, I'm flattered, but I'm just trying to be me, I suggest everyone else do the same.
It felt weird being a little more girly today. The weather was perfect. It was so amazing. This morning as I got ready for school, all I could think and feel were Paris and SXSW. It's that time of year. It was almost a year ago that I went to both. Since then, they won't escape my thoughts. It was really weird that in keeping with the March-like weather, I wore a vintage French skirt that I bought in the Jewish Quarter of Paris for ten euros at a vintage shop smaller than the size of my room. It was the first time I've ever worn it. Maybe this reinvention is stirring up all of these memories and thoughts and realizations that have been sitting in the back of my mind for the past year. I can't help but be in awe when I look at myself and see the same person I saw a year ago, but the differences are what make me better. The reflection is the same, the taste, the style, the passions are all them same. Yet, somehow they've recombined to make me somehow different. I like this new-ness.
Oh, and it's official. I'm getting the green florally duvet for my future dorm room!

Currently listening:Up Up & Away- Represent!

Boy it takes a silly girl to wish she'd never dreamt at all

More to come later from school. i'm running late, but really need to say something.

So it was a really weird day today, and it actually ended up proving the point I've been trying to make. There's no way I can make my full point without writing an entire essay about it. So short and simple. Remember those days in the first grade where we were told that we could be whatever we want to be? That should have never stopped. Hopefully we can all discover what we really want and that we can achieve it.

Does the boy with the ring know you bounce around?

BIG NEWS! I'm engaged! Or so everyone now seems to think. Apparently I'm engaged to one of the many musicians I'm friends with. The sad thing was that the only demonstrated disbelief was that people didn't remember ever seeing me with a ring.
Hopefully more news will be coming out soon. Like hopefully my dream last night was a sign. I dreamt that I was moving to NYC and Josh from TV/TV was really excited because I was moving in near where he lives. Is that a sign for Columbia?? I hope so!
In other news. Looks like the Gabriela and Ariel music life is going to expand by leaps and bounds relatively soon. First step(for me), photoshoot for Attack! Apparel (clothing company that Jamie started and is so cool). Then, SXSW March 21. Third step, photoshoot for promo shots for Gabriela and I's MySpace with Jamie the next day. Much more news to be coming out soon. I can feel it. I'm so ecstatic for everything. I never realized how far a little confidence can change someone's life. I won't say that my life has done a complete 180, but I went from being the school focused wallflower who listened to music instead of hanging out with people to someone who used the characteristics she already had to make her confident and sociable. I'm still way into school [How can you not be when you're taking 6 AP classes at once?], going to college, and having a professional career, but I know for sure that there will always be a plan B. In fact, plan B doesn't mean that I wouldn't enjoy it more. Boy do I love options. All I know is that politics, t-shirts, coffee shop, and/or venue will make for one incredible future. Hopefully one that I can share with my fiance. ;]
Currently listening: This Is Our Time- Represent!

Wake up you dreamer

I'm such a cool kid. I just woke up from a six hour nap. [Told you I have some sleep issues]. Anyway, in keeping with my resolution here was my outfit today. That scarf has so many memories now. I'm thinking I should pass it down to my kids, except minus the lime green haha. Unfortunately, when I woke up this morning it was seriously 29 degrees outside so I couldn't wear either of the outfits I had already put together. It's not exactly a new outfit because I've worn it in a similar way before, but I updated it so it's counting as new oufit number two out of 365.

Currently listening:Money- Love and Reverie

Amazing discovery

You'll never guess where I am right now. Well you might if you notice the time...
I'm at school! In the middle of BIMM! I discovered that I can get on and see my blog. Strangely blogspot is one of the few websites not blocked by my school district's blocking software. So looks like I might be posting some cool things that I made at school on here. Especially since I lost my flash drive and can't just save things and take them home with me. [Mmmmmm, I'm excited!] Oh and this is the ultimate testimate to the Tumblr vs. Blogspot debate. Speaking of which... Gabriela and I made our own blog to go with our mutual myspace.
http://arielandgabriela.tumblr.com

Time may change me, but I can't trace time...

Hmmm... so I've been desperate to make some changes. I think the first thing I'll change is my hair. It'll take the least amount of time. Besides I'm naturally really blonde anyway. And I've been thinking about other things too. I'm not sure what else to change, but I've just got this feeling that something has to. Input please?

Plus i know that I really want to start getting on top of my time management skills. So I guess this means staying up later, getting up earlier, drinking more coffee.[Mmmmm teeth staining. I'm seriously shocked that I don't have meth mouth from the amount of coffee I normally intake. Oh, but good thing, I started a new whitening treatment. So we'll see if it can whiten & take on coffee] Anyway, I'm sort of used to it though besides the whole sleep weirdness that's been going on this year, and maybe it'll be good practice for the college that I go to... as soon as I find out which one it is. Still waiting to hear back from all seven. Speaking of college... I'll put up what I hope will be my dorm bed linens. But I'm definitely going to need a vote. Just imagine one of these...

with these pillows:
Comment me your vote please!!

Day #1

So today was really embarassing. I think I'm permanently red. My new nickname "wicked child". On the bright side I got tons of compliments on my outfit today, so I guess today was strangely above average mostly because it looks like it's going to be a great start to the 365 challenge.Picture?
Please ignore the awkwardness. I swear one day I'll grow out of it. But until then... I love those jeans! I actually got them in a semi-Sisterhood-of-the-Traveling-Pannts style; I picked them up at a Goodwill without ever trying them on or ever looking at the tag, and they fit perfectly! The perfect pair of jeans for $3?! Actually I don't think I spent more than $10 for any piece of the entire outfit, except for maybe the shoes. I can't remember how much I got them for, but I know that I got them from this really cute consignment store in New Orleans before Hurricaine Katrina, and the ladies at the store made me visit the vintage rack. And there they were, the only pair in the entire store that was my size. Now that I think about it, I've never tried on anything from a vintage store, except for the leopard dress I got at the same store, but it fit perfectly anyway. I always luck out. Today was another perfect example of this. And thank God for that.

Currently listening: A Certain Kind of Touch- Breathe Electric

Spark of Inspiration

I've decided that I'm going to make a New Year's Resolution, even though it's the first day of the second month of the new year. [Omg. I just heard at least six gun shots outside my window. Time to move out of the ghetto. It's bad enough that I know the difference between fireworks and gun shots by the sound.] My resolution for myself is to be more adventurous with the clothing choices I make. So tomorrow I'm going to start day 1 of the 365 days of style challenge. I think that I'll post a picture of me wearing my outfit for the day and the inspiration for it. So that'll be my trick. Never run out of inspiration. What better way to define your style?

I'm thinking my goals to start out should be:

• wear ALL of the pieces I picked up on my trip to Paris


• wear all of the vintage clothes I hardly wear


• use different mediums to become inspired


• start making my own jewelrey


• go shopping at unique stores more frequently

Oh and this is totally not just a "look at me and what i'm doing" thing, this challenge and posting it online is more of just making sure that I do it and watching the results kind of thing. I mean what would be the point of doing this challenge if there wasn't going to be any benefit to come of it? I'm actually really excited to see how I progress and define myself over the course of a year. Now that I think about it... I think everyone should do this with me. So of my [maybe 10] readers, I think you should step up to the plate with me too. Comment your pics? Start your own blog? I don't know. Maybe I'm just a little too enthusiastic. Awesomeness party of one? hahaha, you know I'm so kidding.

&&& I'm working on making an amazing banner for this page. So get ready for the creativity to abound.

Currently listening: The Swiss Army Romance- Dashboard Confessional

So here we go...

This isn't really going to count as post number one, but more as a post to explain what you'll be seeing from me in the future.
So here's the deal...
I'm trying to span out of just the myspace, facebook, and youtube world, but I'm also trying to take those parts of my life and incorporate them into who I really am.
In short, this is going to be the place where I'm going to put up all of the things that are positive and proactive in my life, and leave all the annoying real life drama out.

Hopefully in the future this will be the place where I'll put all of my fashion creations and longings, the latests in my music world, any room redecorations, show news, etc.

Definitely more to come later!! Tune in!