But in case you didn't know...
there's another blog that I'm posting to.
It's full of daily inspirations and stuff.
I'm thinking about changing the formatting of this one so that this one is solely my music and daily life blog and the other one is my style and inspiration blog, but I'm not really sure yet.
Input?
I've been really sucking at posting things that aren't just writing, and since my mom took my memory card I haven't been able to take pictures of my 365 challenge. I'm stuck in a rut. Ironically even though I started a new inspiration and style blog, I'm hardly inspired to revamp anything. I need new ideas. Where did my creativity go?
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
I wake up it's a bad dream
Lately I've been having these really sad, but at the same time horrible dreams that have to do with me and relationships.
Two nights ago I dreamt:
I dreamt that my mom had moved into this senior living community
for people who had difficulty taking care of themselves who also had children who were too young to help take care of them.
So I end up spending the summer with her there
and so do tons of other kids...
It was actually kind of cool to see so many generations together...
Anyway, I come into the senior center with my show bracelets and "edgy attitude" and all of the kids and adults want me to help them spice up the place because most of the time spent there was really lame because the old people tended to get offended or felt limited.
My first mission: fake tattoos and getting people to be adventurous in their relationships
Their first mission: Find me a boyfriend.
So while I'm placing temporary tattoos of the presidents on the seniors, one of the old men calls his son over and introduces us.
He's twentysomething, gorgeous, has perfect teeth, amazing REAL tattoos, loves alternative music and shows, and conviniently lives in a city maybe an hour or so from Syracuse.
Sounds perfect right?
And all of the adults love us together.
We become the power couple of the senior center. The director told me how much of a change all of the seniors have had in their own relationships because they watch us be cute together.
Now here's the sad part that makes me wonder if you can learn a life lesson from a dream.
He's a complete perv, a horrible kisser, and loves trying to hook up with other girls, not to mention that all of the things that we supposedly had in common just made him a huge d-bag.
But we stayed together for almost exactly a year just because that's what my mom and the other adults wanted to see.
And in the end very little really changed because I ended up changing into people just like them because I was so miserable.
Oh and fret not. In my dream, right after the break up, I found somebody else who actually was (from what I could tell) the right person who made me feel like the real me again.
Too bad I woke up before the end of the story.
Last night:
I dreamt that I met seriously the love of my life
and we had a whirlwind romance where everything was amazing.
He was mr. adventurous and I was ms. play it safe
but the best part was that he made me take risks and I had so much fun
and he always understood where I was coming from and respected my limits.
The only downside was that we were both really young (like this may have been a year from now), and subjected to the judgement of our parents.
I was convinced that his family didn't like me, especially his mom, and that my parents hated him, and there was an obvious enough tension between both sides to keep most of our activity limited to sneaking around.
The horrible part was somehow he died (I can't remember how) before we could get married, I remember freaking out because I thought I had lost the engagement ring and that was my only part left of him, and it wasn't until I had started talking to both sides after the incident that I found out that
1. My parents loved him, they were just worried about me because I was so young, and they told me that they knew I was in love long before I ever suspected
2. His mother never hated me, she just was jealous that I had taken her son away so soon.
3. His little sister idolized me, after he died she made me tell her every detail about our relationship and told me that she still wanted me as a sister even with him gone.
4. The tension between our families was just apprehension, they both thought that it was kind of a "from the wrong side of the tracks" kind of situation and afterwards learned that it wasn't.
Apparently I need to stop watching romance movies. It wasn't until after I reread my second dream that I realized how much the dream sounded like "P.S. I Love You" meets "Romeo & Juliet", but I swear there is so much more to this dream, it could fill a novel. I actually loved the second dream a lot because it made me realize what I'm really looking for out of a relationship and it was also visably gorgeous as I was dreaming it. There are some really difficult to describe sections, but some of the obviously dreaming sections I could glide over the top of this gorgeous super modern home like I was flying and the memory my parents told me about where they saw us together and new we were in love, we were standing on a ladder propped up against a house while we worked on a community service project as he hammered and I painted and at one point both of us just stopped what we were doing, smiled, and turned to kiss each other. This dream actually had so big of an impact on me that when I woke up I intially freaked out because I couldn't find the ring on my hand and then I finally realized it was a dream...
Currently listening:Train to Tokyo- Thee Armada
Two nights ago I dreamt:
I dreamt that my mom had moved into this senior living community
for people who had difficulty taking care of themselves who also had children who were too young to help take care of them.
So I end up spending the summer with her there
and so do tons of other kids...
It was actually kind of cool to see so many generations together...
Anyway, I come into the senior center with my show bracelets and "edgy attitude" and all of the kids and adults want me to help them spice up the place because most of the time spent there was really lame because the old people tended to get offended or felt limited.
My first mission: fake tattoos and getting people to be adventurous in their relationships
Their first mission: Find me a boyfriend.
So while I'm placing temporary tattoos of the presidents on the seniors, one of the old men calls his son over and introduces us.
He's twentysomething, gorgeous, has perfect teeth, amazing REAL tattoos, loves alternative music and shows, and conviniently lives in a city maybe an hour or so from Syracuse.
Sounds perfect right?
And all of the adults love us together.
We become the power couple of the senior center. The director told me how much of a change all of the seniors have had in their own relationships because they watch us be cute together.
Now here's the sad part that makes me wonder if you can learn a life lesson from a dream.
He's a complete perv, a horrible kisser, and loves trying to hook up with other girls, not to mention that all of the things that we supposedly had in common just made him a huge d-bag.
But we stayed together for almost exactly a year just because that's what my mom and the other adults wanted to see.
And in the end very little really changed because I ended up changing into people just like them because I was so miserable.
Oh and fret not. In my dream, right after the break up, I found somebody else who actually was (from what I could tell) the right person who made me feel like the real me again.
Too bad I woke up before the end of the story.
Last night:
I dreamt that I met seriously the love of my life
and we had a whirlwind romance where everything was amazing.
He was mr. adventurous and I was ms. play it safe
but the best part was that he made me take risks and I had so much fun
and he always understood where I was coming from and respected my limits.
The only downside was that we were both really young (like this may have been a year from now), and subjected to the judgement of our parents.
I was convinced that his family didn't like me, especially his mom, and that my parents hated him, and there was an obvious enough tension between both sides to keep most of our activity limited to sneaking around.
The horrible part was somehow he died (I can't remember how) before we could get married, I remember freaking out because I thought I had lost the engagement ring and that was my only part left of him, and it wasn't until I had started talking to both sides after the incident that I found out that
1. My parents loved him, they were just worried about me because I was so young, and they told me that they knew I was in love long before I ever suspected
2. His mother never hated me, she just was jealous that I had taken her son away so soon.
3. His little sister idolized me, after he died she made me tell her every detail about our relationship and told me that she still wanted me as a sister even with him gone.
4. The tension between our families was just apprehension, they both thought that it was kind of a "from the wrong side of the tracks" kind of situation and afterwards learned that it wasn't.
Apparently I need to stop watching romance movies. It wasn't until after I reread my second dream that I realized how much the dream sounded like "P.S. I Love You" meets "Romeo & Juliet", but I swear there is so much more to this dream, it could fill a novel. I actually loved the second dream a lot because it made me realize what I'm really looking for out of a relationship and it was also visably gorgeous as I was dreaming it. There are some really difficult to describe sections, but some of the obviously dreaming sections I could glide over the top of this gorgeous super modern home like I was flying and the memory my parents told me about where they saw us together and new we were in love, we were standing on a ladder propped up against a house while we worked on a community service project as he hammered and I painted and at one point both of us just stopped what we were doing, smiled, and turned to kiss each other. This dream actually had so big of an impact on me that when I woke up I intially freaked out because I couldn't find the ring on my hand and then I finally realized it was a dream...
Currently listening:Train to Tokyo- Thee Armada
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Along with the warmer weather, I think you might thaw my heart
Maybe it's because it's summer weather outside, or maybe it's just because I'm so close to graduating...
but I think I'm really opening up.
Even the tedious things like homework don't seem to phase me anymore. Finally I'm enjoying myself, and enjoying myself. I just wish that I had started it four years ago...
Currently listening:Coastal Cities- The Secret Handshake
but I think I'm really opening up.
Even the tedious things like homework don't seem to phase me anymore. Finally I'm enjoying myself, and enjoying myself. I just wish that I had started it four years ago...
Currently listening:Coastal Cities- The Secret Handshake
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Live What You Love
This week has been really weird in such a good way. I've had a lot of support in my upcoming ventures in higher education. When I proposed the idea of me double majoring in policy studies and economics, my favorite teacher was ecstatic at the prospect. Apparently he thinks I'm destined for total domination with this. I checked the AP Exam score requirements for credit at Syracuse and it's looking like i'll be walking into Syracuse with enough credit to be classified as a sophomore. I've also started looking into my possibilities in the creative spectrum, like taking art classes this summer, learning how to screen print, considering minoring in fashion design in college... the possibilities seem endless now that I've realized that maybe the possibility of channeling some of this creative energy into something productive may be benefitial and not distracting like previously thought. How cool would it be to declare myself as independent financially because I made enough money working a regular job and then selling my screen printed shirts and posters? That sounds amazing! Not only could I finally wear clothes that I've made, like I've always dreamed of, but I could have the art filled apartment of my dreams. On that note, my parents actually started looking into real estate in Syracuse. They said they've found some cute fixer-uppers near campus for like $6,000, and that they would consider making the investment because they know how much fun I have doing do it yourself projects and designing. I wouldn't be able to live there for a couple of years, but they could always rent it out, and by the time I'm a senior I could be considered a resident of New York! Just think about it... new drivers license, voting in a not-fully-decided state for the next presidential election, having a place of my own with my art, making my own income. Sounds like the sweet life.
In personal life matters things have been really weird, but in a good way. I think maybe it's because I'm a senior now and we're all about to graduate that people have started saying what they really mean and what we've all been dying to say. Yesterday I found out that this boy I had a HUGE crush on in the 10th grade has had his eye on me for a while now. Then today I found out that this boy I've thought was really cute since I met him in the seventh grade thinks that I'm an amazing girl, and I spent lunch with all of the people I've been meaning to keep in contact with but just haven't. I'm still hoping that there are a few more turn arounds like hopefully the boy everyone thought was "the one" since middle school will tell me something good like he liked me then too, and hopefully "the one" from high school will admit something too before we leave (I mean he always said that he wanted us to go to college together). It's really sad because now that all the pressure's gone I'm finally really enjoying my time around the people I used to be embarassed around. I don't feel subhuman anymore, but now it's just a little too late. If anything high school has taught me two things:
1. There are always going to be those people whom you can count on forever to be your friend.
2. You should never waste your time being scared of what people will think.
Now that I've realized these things, I'm having the time of my life and I wish that I would have realized this a long time ago.
Currently listening:Saco Boys Have No Class- Sparks the Rescue
In personal life matters things have been really weird, but in a good way. I think maybe it's because I'm a senior now and we're all about to graduate that people have started saying what they really mean and what we've all been dying to say. Yesterday I found out that this boy I had a HUGE crush on in the 10th grade has had his eye on me for a while now. Then today I found out that this boy I've thought was really cute since I met him in the seventh grade thinks that I'm an amazing girl, and I spent lunch with all of the people I've been meaning to keep in contact with but just haven't. I'm still hoping that there are a few more turn arounds like hopefully the boy everyone thought was "the one" since middle school will tell me something good like he liked me then too, and hopefully "the one" from high school will admit something too before we leave (I mean he always said that he wanted us to go to college together). It's really sad because now that all the pressure's gone I'm finally really enjoying my time around the people I used to be embarassed around. I don't feel subhuman anymore, but now it's just a little too late. If anything high school has taught me two things:
1. There are always going to be those people whom you can count on forever to be your friend.
2. You should never waste your time being scared of what people will think.
Now that I've realized these things, I'm having the time of my life and I wish that I would have realized this a long time ago.
Currently listening:Saco Boys Have No Class- Sparks the Rescue
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Here's a little tip that I think everyone should know: I have no clue what I really want. I mean look at me. I've spent the past year chasing after the same guys, engaging in the same behavior, and getting the same results which are basically nothing. There are so many oddities in my life. Look how wrapped up I am in the Dallas social scene but so vastly removed from the San Antonio crowd. I have stacks of books about the latest in educational policy, but on my free days I clean and reorganize while watching HGTV, and make jewelry while searching for my latest fashion obsession and throw in the occasional painting or sketching. I have never worn a real jacket except for ski trips on spring break, but I am moving to one of the snowiest cities in America. I am naturally a blonde but I cannot stop switching back and forth between brunette and blonde when I dye my hair. I am terrified of being alone, but I sometimes purposefully isolate myself. I am a great morning person but I can never seem to drag myself out of bed these days. I'm a great student, but I could frankly care less right now. Everything is just a little too polarized right now for me to process. I just don't want to end up being one of those people who just does something because they think it'll end up in security and eventually pseudohappiness in the end.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
You almost kissed me in my dreams
I've realized lately that what people want for themselves and what others want for them are completely difference sometimes. It seems like lately the future for me is falling into place in a way that pleases everyone fortunately. Some big news (or not so much news in some people's cases):
Unfortunately, I forgot to take a picture of my outfit today, and I had gotten a lot of compliments on it, even from Josh. Hopefully I'll be able to upload one later.
Currently listening: Surrender Surrender- The Rad
- I'm going to graduate Magna!
- I'm going to Syracuse University in the fall!
- I'm not always as good or shy as I may seem
- I'm going to marry a musician
Unfortunately, I forgot to take a picture of my outfit today, and I had gotten a lot of compliments on it, even from Josh. Hopefully I'll be able to upload one later.
Currently listening: Surrender Surrender- The Rad
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