And today was a day just like any other

That was such a lie.
Today was my day to step back and take a look at everything.
Today I lost unconditional love, all the while got hit on, test drove 3 new cars, accidently blew off my school group, freaked out about my college decisions and recouperated, realized that there's a new person I'm pining over and wondered about the possibilities of it ever getting anywhere I'm interested in being and decided no, and contemplated the implications of my upcoming reality.
Here's how it goes:
Last night was the beginning to my life as a soap opera,
It all started when the joke brought his seemingly "that girl" wife to the event
and I worried about how good for him she really is. Over dinner sitting next to them he says something about getting married to your high school sweetheart is just never going to happen and then I told him of course because "Hmmmm, I've got three weeks to find a high school sweetheart, and then we can fall in love and get married."
Obviously a ridiculous option for me. So then I started thinking about the possibly more feasable options...

According to random statistics, most people meet their spouse in their early 20s, and generally where they go to college. I could attest to this being true, I mean 90% of the teachers I have had who have shared personal info met their spouse (who was a fellow student) while in college. But I have to think about what those people were probably like before they ever reached college... I'm going to go out on a limb and say that a huge majority of them dated way more than me in high school (which doesn't mean much considering that I have still never been on a real date, but we can talk about that later) so that means that they probably had a much better idea of what they were looking for and knew more about how the game works. (I know how to break the game just not how to play the game). So based on this assessment, I'm thinking that unless my miracle mr. perfect guy is just sitting out there somewhere in the land of syracuse hoping for me to show up, there's just no way that I'm going to be one of those people. It would be like trying to fast forward my dating life into four or maybe just three years of life, and that's also assuming that 1) he exists and 2) that I can get a date. Based on these slim odds, I'm thinking that I'm going to have to play the game outside of school, or essentially during my PhD program. PhD. Enough said. So then this time crunch means that I am going to be desperately looking and hoping that I'll meet him in the "real world" while I'm trying to build my career and rise in the ranks of the bureaucratic ladder. Based on past performance, good luck with that one. So unless mr. perfect is out there waiting for me at Syracuse University or in the tiny cubicle next to mine in Washington, D.C. it looks like I'm going to be maybe 35 before the chance of anything real ever happening.
That was not in my 10 year plan.
I had a back up husband for this. The kind where we pinky swore our sophomore year that if neither of us are married by the time we turn 35 that we'll marry each other. But it's Hunter. Of course Hunter is going to be married before then... So I guess I need a new back up husband too.

Now fast forward to today when out of the blue, the only one who has ever said no to my cookies added me on facebook. He was the one who started my curiosity about the University of Texas and is the reason I have bizarrely close relationships with my teachers. I remember after he turned me down that my french teacher begged me to come by her classroom during lunch and tell her all about it. She told me (partially translated from french), "He said no?! I don't understand! You're such a pretty girl! I just can't understand why you would go after someone who is unavailable." And there it is. The statement that has pretty much sealed my fate. Since then it seems like every time I turn around I find another guy who I want to be with who is in some way shape or form unavailable. There's the distance unavailable, lack of action unavailable, really only wants in my pants unavailable, age unavailable, type unavailable. In the last week I have discovered just how unavailable all of the boys in my life have been, except for one (and here comes the dramatic twist). This one boy has been my only shot at a high school sweetheart. Even the joke saw it in him. The problem, at the time that he was completely and totally available, I was the most scared person ever. I drove him away because I couldn't. It was so hard to do and sometimes I still feel the repercussions of it. But looking back on it, I still know that it was the best thing that could have happened because we both realize now that it never would have worked out anyways. He was the type of guy who wants 5 boys and a minivan parked in front of a suburban minimansion, I actually just made that up however quite likely, but the key thing was that he wanted long term committment and stability while I live on change. This is not the kind of opposites that attract. So it'll be interesting to see where we all are 1,5,10 years from now. I hope that at some point people finally become available, that I become available, and that we all get what we really wanted all this time and don't have to settle. I just want someone who doesn't have to have stability as long as they have all of me, someone who would never say no to my coookies, who wants more from me than just getting into my pants, and who wants more of me period. I want to meet someone who won't hamper me from my dreams and will make me more adventurous. I want someone who see exactly what my french teacher saw in me that afternoon and will love me even more for it. More than anything, I want someone who is going to make up for all of the time lost. Just like my favorite cheezy pick-up line:

You should have been here a minute ago! [Why?] So I could have met you sooner

Currently listening:Direction- The Scenic